Tuesday, October 9, 2007


Not sure where I found this picture at (so i can't credit it) but I love it.

It somewhat reflects my day-to-day existance at this point in my life. Lonliness and depression, 2 words I've never dealt with before, are eating at me and I need to get out from under them.

I'm a friendly person, make friends fast and generally have a great time out anywhere, yet I can't get out of this funk. Money woes are only partly to blame, the rest seems to lie with me; somehow, somewhen I've lost the 'me' there.

Bowling last night was fun, just as always, and work is nothing to get upset over either; it's the thought/feeling of going home alone, every day that gets to me. Not really sure what to do about it (other than get more friends who live close enough to visit) but I'll come up with something I'm sure. No real reason to post this, but just wanted to get it out there.

I've had one 'date' since my divorce (yes date is in quotes, it wasn't really a date, but it did involve me, a lady and dinner; all technicals of one) and really no prospects of any at the moment. The people across the street would love for me to go out with their daughter (who is great looking) but she is taken [and they live with them atm due to money problems], the lady up the street says she has someone for me to meet, but I got to see her before I met her and I'm not a big 'hillbilly' style person :)

Got bowling again tonight (I sub'd last night) and then 2 days of 'wonderful' fire school [learn to be a better fireman] for work, I'll be staying in my aunt's house [the one they don't live at anymore, which is close to where I'm training] so may actually go out and eat on the company dime heh. After that I have lil bit this weekend, now when she's here, there is no lonely or depression; she makes the room light up and of course we'll probably go see mamaw [the main reason she wants to stay with me I think is so I'll take here there] and all will be good.

Falen had a colonoscopy today, so everyone pray she recovers well; I spoke to her earlier but she was med'd up so much she probably won't remember. If she still reads this blog then I'd like to state that I don't blame or hold her responsible for my current strait; it is a by-product of divorce, but it wasn't caused by it. This is something I'll just have to get through so I can have fun again.

*note: yes I do have fun alone with the dogs, the tv, the computer et al. but I'm missing the human element some days ... and I need a date bad hehe


Hercules said...

That's an amazing photo Lord Nazh!

I’m sorry to hear about you current situation, the human connection is a wonderful thing, we tend sometime to take it for granted, don’t we? (Unless the person your with is a total shit head)

Keep your spirits up and believe me, when you’ve given up looking and just when you’ll least expect it, somebody will enter your life and completely change it! I guess with the way your feeling this is little consolation, but please try and keep your moral up!

All the best,


Debbie said...

Perhaps you should conduct a "dating" post of some kind. Put up your picture, information about you, and then invite potential dates to come and share their info. (Not publicaly publishing contact information) You could meet a nice blog girl/woman.

Lord Nazh said...

Thanks Herc.

Debbie: great idea, except that I've never seen anyone that lives within 100 miles of me on here (checking ips and such) ;)

Ian Appleby said...

Mate, you must be feeling down if you think your daughter won't love spending time with her old man for his own sake. Don't forget, when she lights up the room, that's a part of you right there, and one you can surely be proud of.

As for sorting out dates, well, I never knew you were a fireman. Broadcast that a little more, and you'll be fighting them off.

Lord Nazh said...

Ian: I didn't mean she didn't want to ALSO spend time with me :)

I am not a fireman, I have to be one at my job (because we don't hire them).

I am firetrained, hazmat qualified, cpr qualified, confined-space rescue, etc. etc.

Liz said...

Yeah, firemen are cool. I agree with Ian: play that up.

Depression can be self-perpetuating. You feel down and it stops you seeing the bright side and that makes you down-er. (Excuse the grammar!) But there'll be someone there. The right one this time.

EvilMidniteBombr said...

Sorry to see you in a funk. You'll be fine. Just try to find new stuff to get your mind off things that remind you of old stuff.

With all of those qualifications you earned at work, you could walk onto a volunteer fire department and be welcomed with open arms. Around here, someone with that training usually is on a paid department. Think about it. Ain't nothing like running red lights in a $100,000 truck!

Gracchi said...

MiLord the other thing and it hurts the pride initially is to join something like the Guardian run here- a dating thing on their website. The US Papers I'm sure must do it- you are afterall light years ahead.

I've gone through depression- though actually today was feeling really down as well ironically. The only way out is to tell yourself to be happy- I know that sounds trite but it is the way out. I'm really sorry for you mate at the moment to be going through such dark times.

mutleythedog said...

Well you are just like me your Lordship. A few posts back I did a post very similar to this - divorced, non money feeling like shit etc. I also didn't get a date .... not even a technical one.

EvilMidniteBombr said...

Just wanted to drop a note to Falen if she happens to read this, I just wanted to say that I hope you are feeling better soon.

jmb said...

I'm sure it takes a long time to recover from a divorce. It is after all a kind of bereavement.
I hope you can find some enjoyment in you life besides your daughter who I'm sure does light up your life.
Fortunately, in most cases, these feelings of depression are self limiting and they go away.
Could be a bit of a late reaction to your Mum's heart attack too.
Take care

CalumCarr said...


I'm sorry you feel as you do and I'm also sorry because I can't find any words to help. Given what I'm going through I feel I should have words of wisdom: empty space.

What I can guarantee is that I am thinking of you and will continue to do so.

Good Luck, Calum

mutleythedog said...

Have a read of Crushed By Ingsocs latest!


Anonymous said...

I hope Falen is well Nazh. I really do!!

More importantly I hope you get out of the funk you're in !!

If you were to move out of state and up my way I might be able to set you up with some women I know. but alas, I know you want to be in lil' bit's life as much as possible.

I'll keep praying for you and in the meantime - EMB and I will have something to lift your spirits soon!!

This is Thaiphoon BTW - STUPID blogger won't let me log in with my username and pwd.

Ruthie said...

Hi, LN:

I do know how you feel. I think something about the onset of autumn contributes to a general feeling of listlessness and depression.

Spending time with your daughter might help, and so might spending time with your friends and doing things you like that you don't get a chance to do often.

I hope Falen gets better soon.

Ms Smack said...

If I were there well... i'd take you out on a date! :)

But I'm not... so can you put something in a local newspaper, like a personals ad?

The internet is great, sure, but not if it keeps you isolated and alone.

Find a dating site where you can search for other Alabama women and post a response. You're bright, passionate, kind and more. It won't be long until you have a dozen women lining up and you'll be posting to us about 'how to choose'

This WILL BREAK MY HEART but I will be glad to see you happy.

:) luv

James Higham said...

When guys finally realize that women are not the end goal and that just by having our own life then that makes men attractive to many women, then half the battle's won.

On the other hand, if the problem is missing the ex, then go and get her back but use a bit of Help.

Lord Nazh said...

High note response:

Ruth, thanks, it's not autumn as this time of year cheers me up (football) :) it's been like this since the divorce, my fault that I don't have friends around here, but I'll have to change it.

Thai: You have to be the only person in the world that can't sign in... you forget your pw? Thanks for the thoughts

Miss: ><

James: It is not that I need/have to have a woman or miss the ex. I have NEVER been a lonely person as I always had thousands of friends to turn to; basically it's the fact that I didn't get out more and make friends here while I was married. Now I have to change that. I wish Falen all the best and care a lot about her, but she is finally happy and it would be crass of me to mess with that because I'm feeling lonely.


 Recently played a few games on Caldera (warzone) and then... Lots of luck in this one, but satisfying