Tuesday, May 24, 2022


 Recently played a few games on Caldera (warzone) and then...

Lots of luck in this one, but satisfying

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

Another WarZone win

 Been a minute since I won a game and I played terribly before this and decided this was my last game for the day :)

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

An old draft that never made it to the front.

I stumbled across this old unpublished story i wanted to share.  It is a very personal glimpse of life for those in chronic pain, trust me if you aren't one, you know someone whose life has been altered forever in the name of the greater good that is so far from helpful or beneficial to anyone.  

So here is MY STORY AGAIN!
Over 2 decades ago, the thoughtless actions of an intoxicated, drugged idiot changed my life forever. For whatever reason, this guy thought downing a few ounces of GHB and getting behind the wheel of a car was okay. He also thought stopping at a red light was the same as a stop sign that day. That day, that day, that day....

         He chose to run that red light at the exact moment my car approached the middle of the intersection, slamming into my car, T-boning the car and in what can only be explained as a miracle, my youngest son is a bright, sarcastic, boisterous adult. No thanks to this idiot that thought drugs and driving mixed. In that car that day, my son was spared but my spine, not so much. Already having previous surgery on my lower back to correct damage from my earlier years, the damage has cost me the life I once knew. The working mom, busy climbing the ladder and running tirelessly after 3 small children and helping her family be the best they could. All my dreams at stake. So after a long battle I was paid insurance policy limits to just go away. Advised by a lawyer not up for a fight to "take what you can get at this point". So we settled quietly. The rest of my life has been far from quiet.

    I have now since, had 3 lower back surgeries, the final one being a spinal fusion at less than the age of 30. Now knowing I would forever need "more". I pushed through, forced myself through recovering from the toughest surgery I had ever imagined, learning balance and taking every step with caution. I slowly put one foot in front of the other just to raise my kids and stay active. I recovered, according to my surgeon, "beautifully". Yet something still just wasn't right. I had pain on a daily basis. What used to be a 7-8 daily was at least now, a bearable 4, so I managed. Until I didn't. Lost and scared, sitting in a hospital ER I met a very smart and bright anesthesiologist. He explained my body would no longer ignore the pain and push through without some medical intervention. I had already been on trials of drugs with nightmare endings, My MOST favorite was with Oxycontin, "the miracle drug" which promised slow and steady pain control without the risks of addiction... Yeah, that was laughable! Within weeks of the drug company shipping me LOADS of FREE pills to be their "test patient," I couldn't understand or tolerate the drugs side effects and FLUSHED every single pill. At the time never understanding just how fortunate I was to be rid of something so powerful and just as addictive, if not worse than what was already on the market. So, you can understand my fear and apprehension. Addiction to pills was already rearing its nasty and vile head within my family and friends, so I just picked myself up and pushed through. I say I pushed through, but I really didn't, the strain of my worst days was placed upon the kid's father and our supportive family. They stepped in when I couldn't. I missed so many important (to me) moments of my kids' lives. So when this very caring and intelligent Dr. is telling me he knows and understands all of my concerns and fears, and he would remain diligent to my concerns and treat my pain as a whole and not just toss pills my way to create new, more concerning problems in my mind, I gave in.

     Mind you that was more than 15 years ago, so according to all the major headlines I should be a nonfunctioning drug addict, right? I mean the opioid crisis is ALL because of Drs with no morals only greed, and druggies looking for their next high... BUT SEE WE AREN'T! Chronic pain patients are some of the most caring, quiet people you know, but you don't know. We have been keeping silent out of fear. We have seen our Drs arrested, harassed and shut down, slandered all through the media. Only to have a few of the good ones come right back the very next day and operate their clinics and care for those of us that would be in desperate situations without them. They were able to do so because THEY WERE FOUND to be CLEAR AND OPERATING WITHIN and EXCEEDING the standards set. They have already required close monitoring, pain contracts, drug screens, pill counts, and psychological screenings for YEARS! Not because of some crisis, but because those controls were needed in some areas to monitor and prevent abuse and addictive behaviors.

Life as a Census Enumerator

Many have asked what my time with the Census was like; this article, though lengthy, is WORTH YOUR TIME. It doesn't matter what side of the aisle you sit on..  If you or someone you know failed to respond to the Census whether by mail or by a trusty Census worker, as the article points out, it is "like walking past a $5 bill everyday for a decade" that is close to the amount of funding your state, city, or town stands to lose. That isn't all though, as we see with states like Alabama possibly set to lose a seat in the house. 

Maybe by 2030 we will all understand how impossible but important something so traditional and created so far back in history is still a very real part of the fabric of our federal existence. If you don't want to provide the door to door census takers the needed information, MAIL IN YOUR Questionnaire by April 1st. Even then understand they may be at your door to verify a neighboring property or home has been vacant, abandoned,  or whatever the situation may be. 
Missing 1% of the count may not sound important but as we see the data come piling in and start to lose the funding for vital community services, watching it sent to other vital areas that showed a significant rise in population, when businesses look at these tallies and decide not to build or operate in a specific area because the data showed a dramatic drop in a particular age group, remember how important the Census still is. That even flawed, it holds a great importance, so important it was a job held by US Marshall's and still today has the option to be punished by law for refusing to comply or assist Census workers. Your community may be hit hard and then again, it may benefit you. I have no clue the results and how they stand to change our lives. I just know it will. 

 I personally know more than 50 people (which is a very small picture as thousands were doing the same as us, just in a different part of the country, battling wildfires, a pandemic, violent and dangerous dislike of our very existence for the oath we took) who stopped our lives to provide the most accurate and honest count of the communities we were assigned, working 10-12 hours a day 10-20 days straight. Traveling and working door to door through hurricanes, record wildfires, civic unrest, huge partisan complications, high political frustration and government mistrust, All i can say now, as I see all the fighting, court cases, and congressional meetings, I am confident I did the very best and honest job that I could possibly do.

It is frustrating to see the comments and bashing of this census. Because I know that so many of us set out to do a job, took an oath, and stood behind those to make sure we did our very best. To make sure the data the NRFU agents provided them, was honest, exact, and correct to the very best of their ability.  

So PLEASE take the time to read this article, start educating yourself, your kids, your family and friends that the Census is VITAL to us all. Schools, hospitals, community outreach programs, and just about every business operates based on population and it is important to make sure EVERY SINGLE PERSON COUNTS! Even all those ancestry programs rely heavily on your responses. I for one am proud to know that 70+ years from now, my future generations will know we migrated from Alabama from the 2010 and 2020 census data. They will have an accurate and descriptive idea of our family and where we were during this time in history.  
Article link below. (Great read)

Monday, January 20, 2020

Wellness Journey

So, a big part of the start of anyone's journey with Plexus, we are asked our why... mine has nothing to do with any type of financial growth, yes that will be a welcomed benefit,  but my why.... so I am sure MANY of us can relate... you keep a crazy, hectic schedule, have insomnia or high stress, maybe both. Maybe you find yourself with an injury that has you slowed down and in pain so you just sit, as you recover you lose muscle, energy and maybe gain unhealthy weight.  Maybe you suffer from multiple autoimmune diseases  and every medication you try has worse side effects than the conditions you are trying to help so you only take them out of desperation. 
I am in part, every single one of those I listed. As I write this, I have yet to sleep & will likely be frustrated & angry at myself when I finally doze off only to wake up at 3 in the afternoon and the day is gone. Yes I work nights but those weeks I take a break I never can sleep normal. So when I am desperate to be able to spend time with hubby when he is off or family and friends, or when I am traveling, which I do.. A LOT!  I reach for 5 hour energies by the 10 pack, Red Bull, anything I can especially while driving... NONE of this is good for anyone, muchless someone with issues with anxiety,  insomnia, and chronic pain, migraines, general everyday Blahs that can turn into a depression FAST. I am not expecting Plexus to be my 1 size fits all miracle. I also know I will be making small adjustments and changes as needed to get the results I want. I also take comfort in knowing I did my due diligence and researched, was given the green light by my medical team .  My biggest WHY... for ME!. I will be happy to share any information or experiences with anyone wanting to hear or willing to listen. As my journey continues and you see the results I am confident are headed my way please feel free to reach out to me.  We are no longer just the "pink drink people" don't get me wrong, it tastes amazing! But if you are one who relies on any type of meal replacement shakes, smoothies, or other concoctions Lean is perfect! And coming from a very picky palate, I am in LOVE with the Lean Whey Chocolate already. 

Friday, December 13, 2019

2020 looks painful

8 years ago I trusted and believed that the medical system would correct issues with pain care and they were. Random pill counts, drug screens so through they can probably tell you what I ate last week, they better at close to $700 a month. Pain contracts, psych evaluations,  routine nerve studies, MRIs, and monthly visits with questionnaires checking to ensure we were safely storing medications, monitoring our mental health and risk for abuse. Various other safeguards in place for my well being.  I have always been compliant. I have been patient and understanding as my specialist sat with me in his office and explained the pressure and "rules" placed on him to begin to cut medication completely and taper the others. Now, I sit terrified,  I was informed as of December 31st my Drs practice is retiring.  I 100% understand and don't blame them. They have fought in the trenches to protect their patients to the point they have lost money and I know the stress has caused their health to decline. It doesn't make my reality any less terrifying. See, I began pushing the boundaries and reducing medications long before I was asked. I have faked the smiles and walked the best I could with my head held high. Then I get home and spend 3 days recovering from the visit. I am silently suffering from such intense pain that some days it becomes too much and I cry out or wince in pain. I spend my days trying every compression brace, pain cream, and device available to provide  relief. Something has also happened along the way. I became a GiGi. 1 by 1 my precious Angel's have come into this world and I live with such heartbreak and pain because I am not there for them, I cant take them to the zoo, the park, or even have them spend the night with me. I am not the only person suffering in my pain. My husband, my family, my friends, they have all lost the person I used to be. Many days now I spend propped up, trapped in a body that continually betrays me. It doesnt matter to the DEA, CDC or any lawmaking body that for over 10 years before they decided to violate my life and think they know better than ALL of my Drs, I was active again, I went on high school trips with my kids, slept on buses, ran up and down stadiums,  and had a wonderful part time job that I loved. So now as I sit here looking towards 2020 and beyond, I am sad and in fear. What else are they going to do to take my life away... check your statistics.  Not only has this war on all opioids not helped any of the true addicts but now people who once lived somewhat happy and productive lives are under so much pressure and pain from not being treated or being undertreated, they are taking their own lives... So you tell me, what do I have to look forward to. Right now I am afraid,  not much. I see needing a cane, building a wheelchair ramp, making our home handicap accessible just so I can manage daily needs. All because some government agencies decided to play Doctor. 

Tuesday, August 27, 2019

Thoughts from Shasta, Feeling Bad for not wanting to be in pain

The fight continues and people are speaking out more and more.  This is the 1st time I have shared from Shasta's Twitter but she does a lot of research and sharesbher findings and posts opinions often. Hopefully somedaye soon we can STOP THE STIGMA 

Monday, April 8, 2019

Opioid Steering Committee letter 12/2017

This is the letter I wrote to the Opioid Steering Committee December 27, 2017

((((Please note I used part of a form letter and changed/added parts for my story.... There are TOO MANY of US BEING discriminated against. We should be covered under the ADA but it seems it does not matter. It is honestly out right discrimination. We all need to find our inner Rosa Parks and take back OUR SEAT!))))

To the FDA Opioid Policy Steering Committee

I am writing to add my comments to those of many other people in agony, concerning the mission of the FDA Opioid Policy Steering Committee. Because I have difficulty organizing my ideas, I have borrowed part of this from a letter published in social media. However everything written below is true to the best of my knowledge.
I have been a chronic pain patient for many years, as I was hit by a drunk driver in 1999, along with a spinal birth defect, resulting in 8 back and neck surgeries to date. I will require more as I age because my surgeries are just for stabilization and to prevent paralysis. I also have recurring lyme, lupus, RSD, as well as rheumatoid arthritis. I cannot take morphine, as it causes a drastic drop in blood pressure that nearly killed me on 3 occasions, until the anesthesia group determined the cause.

My doctors have tried me on many therapies. The only ones that have worked have included prescription opioid medications. I did not seek out these medications. I take only as much as needed to partially control my pain, and only under my doctor’s direction. I refused ALL narcotics until uncontrolled pain caused a TIA and I was sent to a pain management specialist who assured me he would follow my care and use closely and I would not become an addict. Now I sit in fear that once the regulations continue to pressure all Drs and pharmacies to the point no one will have access to these medications. Before you tell me that won't happen, I might mention that I no longer can get my medications through my local pharmacies, they are all too scared to take on any pain patients, I have to spend 100's of extra dollars on top of the cost of my medications to send to my husbands work approved mail order pharmacy and wait/pray my medications don't get lost or that they are delivered on time. Yes, I was forced to go through a week long withdrawal when my 30 day prescription that I stretched 40 days could not be filled ANYWHERE.

Because of the prevailing hostile regulatory environment, my doctor no longer feels safe in prescribing opioids to anyone, including me. He fears being maliciously persecuted by the DEA or State authorities and losing his license, thus his livelihood.

I have personally been harmed by denial of appropriate and effective opioid medications. I have never failed a urine test. I am not a “drug seeker”. I do not “want” to take opioids, even though nothing else works for me. I am a person in pain whose quality of life is being destroyed by government policy.

I have been told that because of these regulations, my specialists may have no choice but to stop prescribing opioid medications. From experience, I know that further lowering my dose level, or worse, will destroy my life and disable me from the few activities I am now able to do. I will once again become bed-ridden, rely on the use of a motorized wheelchair, cane, walker, and other aides just to perform daily activities.

The most important factor that is driving me further into disability is the 2016, 2017, and now coming 2018 CDC opioid prescription standards. Though written as voluntary and directed to general practitioners, Congress made them mandatory in December 2015 – three full months before publication. They are now widely regarded as mandatory standards by legislatures in several States.

There is widespread consensus among doctors that the CDC standards are fatally flawed: unfairly and unscientifically biased against opioid therapy, unsupported by medical evidence, inaccurate and grossly incomplete. Failure to acknowledge natural differences in opioid metabolism between individuals makes the standards actively dangerous to patient health and function. These standards must be immediately withdrawn for a major rewrite to correct their many errors. Patients or their advocates should be voting members among the writers group.

There is no one-size-fits-all pain patient, and there can be no one-size-fits-all opioid treatment standard for either dose or duration versus diagnosis. Imposing arbitrary limits on the number of pills prescribed, or allowing pharmacists to audit prescriptions will only drive more doctors out of practice and more patients into agony. It is time to remove government from doctor-patient relationships. You don’t know what you’re doing and people like me are suffering from your incompetence.

Most ironically of all, the well-intended actions of government in restricting opioid prescriptions are having exactly the opposite effects. Deaths from street heroin and fentanyl have skyrocketed even as the number of prescriptions has fallen in the past five years. Arguably, prescriptions made by doctors to real pain patients are not now and have never been a major factor in the death toll. Public policy on addiction must be redirected toward prevention in kids and harm reduction in adults. Restriction of pain relief contributes nothing to either goal.


 Recently played a few games on Caldera (warzone) and then... Lots of luck in this one, but satisfying