Tuesday, January 30, 2018

My pain is not yours...

I know I have several nurses, medical assistants, and pharmacy techs in my newsfeed and they will understand just how much I have managed to cut down. SOME others may be tempted to judge me and/or my DRs. I have always been a responsible pain patient, always compliant, always happily passed all  requested pill counts, drug screens both saliva (which is random) and urine (every single month for over 10 years now)
   A few years ago I made the hard choice to start weaning off of medications. Mostly, the addictive and higher potential for dependence went 1st... Starting with my Xanax... I had also been on a very high dose and extremely dangerous medication that's been in the news for many high profile deaths, fentanyl... I had weaned from 100mcg/hr of the pain patch fentanyl changing every 48 hours.  After dealing with uncontrolled post-op neck surgery pain, I asked to start weaning down from the fentanyl. Once I reached changing every 72 hrs  My Drs were reluctant to wean anymore and so I became satisfied with my pain management.
   Then the war on opioids began picking up steam. I made the hard choice to switch pain management providers. Mainly for my own convenience, about 2 hours shorter distance to drive. There we sat in her office, both excited to meet one another and mostly myself, relieved to have someone that had time to hear my concerns, my conditions, and my pain. She relayed to me her stance on all the new rules and "guidelines" that Drs and pharmacies both were feeling extreme pressure to "fall in line". She believed that everyone has the right to have their pain appropriately managed, and she had already been doing her part to express her concerns and beliefs.
   We agreed she would not only manage my pain but would also cover my other health concerns and offer treatments, test, etc.
   See, I have developed Dr phobia over the past few years because of the judgment and treatment I would get when I explained I was a pain management patient and that I had a pain contract that I would be following. You could see the look on their faces, looking and judging. I even had a horrid appointment when I 1st relocated. I was just looking for a general Dr or practitioner to handle other issues related to my health. My lupus, asthma, recurring Lyme, Epstein Barr, chronic migraine, anxiety, etc... I had an appointment with this local Dr. I hoped would be able to work with me on this journey. Instead she arrogantly entered the exam room and immediately began lecturing me about my current meds, that she would under no circumstances write for those meds, and when my "pill mill clinic" was shut down, that I would need to go to the ER because I was at risk of life-threatening complications from the withdrawal. I sat in shock. I gathered my mind and thoughts and told her that she evidently wasn't the Dr for me. That my pain management Dr actually was double board certified, well known and respected, and had been in practice for almost 8 years. I had never been made to feel like I had done something wrong until now. I left her office in a full blown anxiety attack and in uncontrollable tears, highly embarrassed too... But why? I had done NOTHING wrong!?!
   So here I was almost 2 years later, a practitioner who understood, one who truly cared. She covered my meds and I explained to her that yet again, I was ready to wean down more. She was excited, I had an open mind and wanted more options than just opioids. So we tackled the fentanyl and started weaning me from it again. She added a few other meds for my asthma, anxiety, migraine, insomnia, etc. I had never felt as good leaving any appointment before. That was until I couldn't find ONE single pharmacy to fill my medications. Most only said either I lived too far away or my Dr was not in "my district" (yeah, that one I will never understand???)  So I have been left feeling like no one hears my cries or understands what so many go through every single day and things stand to get worse NOT BETTER, So tell me again how MY PAIN is anyone else's concern other than my practioners and ME?

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 Recently played a few games on Caldera (warzone) and then... Lots of luck in this one, but satisfying