Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a while, Conner was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Conner began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place... smack his butt again."
I could picture that happening, so I thought it was funny.
A man goes to a party and has way too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO -- he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they'll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police still have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door.
There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.
True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting.
I don't know if this is really true (probably could find out) but it's funny anyway.